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Just Words

You
was the word
You was the word I used to write before me

You
used to be the road I used to take
Used to do a lot of things
Things that made sense

Not now, just then
Just then you took me and departed
Took me apart

You
A simple mistake
A mistake that I’d make again
Make amends
Mend a man
Glue him together if you will
Will allows not
Not because heart is lost
Lost is the soul, nope
No love

Soul searching
Searching through deserted lands I walk
Walking through memory lanes
Lanes emptied and barren was the heart
Heart says yes
Yes, through dense cigarette smoke
Smoke, through mosquito lullabies

In between
Between those forgotten lines and lies
Lies a man who lies alone
A lonely traveller once lost and found
Founded the love, unrequited
Quite a sight!
Site full of lost lives and love
Love, not a mere memory
A memory in shining armor

And,

You was
You are
You is
still the word I run towards
When I run out of words.

© 2017 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Memoirs of Smoke

I can’t write

right now
not about you at least
not ever maybe
about you
the least
safe to say never

it’s 3.41AM
and I need a new you

someone to write for
someone to right me
someone right
to write right
this night is not right
it’s fading already

I’m on a leash
and It’s raining outside
one of the many cliches
of this sleepless morning
the leash is blurred
leash being the memories

rain falls
falling leaves
leaves me mesmerized
small drops of rain
as well as the ripe mangoes
ganging up on the roof

maybe it’s closing up
the hole in which
I lost myself in
and crawled right back out
maybe I’m becoming whole again

the carved out heart
the renewed cigarette smoke
forgetful lies of lives
songs on repeat
blank spaces on the faded walls
abrupt silence follows

it’s 4.31AM
and I need a muse.

© 2016 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Closing Curtains

I’m picturing a past state
another road to my lost fate
add another nail to the coffin
it’s my last date

Heart races
through the blurry faces
Mind spaces out
through those lost pages

So I, loved you
Outlived you
Tried blending in
Ended up bending back
Bleeding and clutching
The misguided heart

And I, used to trim my chances
re-imagine my own dreams
after all I was MIA
in the Suns golden rays

Then I, hated you
Outwitted you
After you ripped me
part by part
Beautifully apart

Yet I, tried to keep it all in
even went out of my way
to direct a hollow life
just like a well scripted lie

But they say it’s not right
to fight in days like these
plus the stage is closed
and its no man’s land again…

© 2014 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Other Side

I walked when
the morning star glanced at me
through the weaves of trees
and when the mornings became noon
and when it was hard to bear the light

I walked even when
the way forward seemed
utterly impossible
even when things seemed to be
falling apart right in front of my eyes

I kept walking
counting each breath
for the miles I’ve passed
tripping on the countless
paths I’ve crossed

I kept walking
even when you told me
that I’ll never be able to

I kept on walking
even when the world told me
“you’ll never ever make it!”

So, as I walked
on these lonely roads
through the wallowing dark
that swallowed hope

on came the silence
to take away my words
on came the pain
to take away my memories
on came a lot of things
to sink their teeth into my brain

Oh but, still I’m walking
towards what I need the most
towards that place where
the grass is greener and
the skies are bluer
towards where it’s safe to breath…

© 2014 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Two Years Later

I thank the light for darkness
’cause darkness alone was the light,
that guides me towards my ultimatum,
the gift that bound me to these goals,
the core that got thrown away in a hassle…

as if I’m gonna stop believing in us
and if I did,
like it really affects the notion of “us”,
two ultimately different souls,
submerged into one entity

we were supposed to be a paradise
together, woven and intertwined into
this almost surreal forever kind of reality
in which, he
was not a part of, and you broke me,
with those miscalculated promises…

as if I’m gonna blame it on you alone
and if I did,
like it really leaves a mark on you
or in this case on me, or like it’s just gonna
bring you running back to me, into my arms

Honestly, today I’m missing you more
more than those most days,
when you invade my dreams,
then suddenly
leave me breathless, sense-dispersed
in the first breath’s glance, into the light,

as if I’m gonna burn away your memories
and if I did,
like it really would take you away
away from me, off from my inner eye,
pages torn, and lanes erased in a blink of an eye

yet, these harshly sweet images of you
starts to suffocate my senses,
but m’ love I do love them,
not you,
not anymore!
but I love those blurry images of you,
they are closer to me than you ever were…

but you never left me, did you?
I ask you whenever I see you, and you,
you just smile and blink as if
you saw the Sun for the first time ever,
and you say “No!”

and I count so many “you” s in above lines,
yet there’s no you, where it really matters…

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Fight The Machine

I’ve been tripped, tricked into falling
trapped even, running a fool’s errand
Every dark corner of this earth
I’ve traced, and yet
found nothing

Feels like I can’t make any sense
in here, it’s dark and damp
Not much of sightseeing,
not your kind of heaven
far from it, to be frank

Been floating a while
back before I was born
had no choice, it was here
or else worse, hell
Goddamn it! Fate you!

Maybe I was too bright to begin with
I mean, too darn optimistic
and oh, let’s not forget hope
shall we?

Bright as the bubble that gives you light
at night, every single night, overhead
Things used to be simple
subtle even, well not anymore
are they?

Maniacs with thinking disorders
that’s what we are, the romantics
No, really! Think about it!
Our kind has to try so hard
that on the way, we lose ourselves

Has to look all over again
Turn the world upside down even
By the time you pull yourself together
you’ve lost the romance part
Well that and a few other things
like time, faith and ability of letting go

It’s a darn circle, that’s what it is!
Or a triangle, if I may
But whatever it is, it’s got to go
‘cause it’s about time
You dream the real,
Not the other way around!

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Resolutions

Having burnt a cigarette and life
Turned myself back at the path I was supposed to follow
Whether it was the right way or something else entirely
I don’t really know…

Maybe I didn’t want to know

Who knows these things?
They are supposedly mysteries
That no one finds out
Until they do…

Cyber lives,
Much untold stories…

They say the break of dawn is the best time
To make decisions
Maybe it’s true
I wouldn’t know
I’m not planning to stay awake that long

Solo is the way to go
Solo is the way to be

Choices,
They seem hard
Until you choose

Maybe it’s up to you
Maybe it’s not
I would know

Cyber lives lol,
Society is not fucked up
You are…

Cigarette’s over
I think I ought to go in now…

One last thing though
Don’t base your dreams on the theories of reality
They are fucking dreams,
And dreams don’t need theories.

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana