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Memoirs of Smoke

I can’t write

right now
not about you at least
not ever maybe
about you
the least
safe to say never

it’s 3.41AM
and I need a new you

someone to write for
someone to right me
someone right
to write right
this night is not right
it’s fading already

I’m on a leash
and It’s raining outside
one of the many cliches
of this sleepless morning
the leash is blurred
leash being the memories

rain falls
falling leaves
leaves me mesmerized
small drops of rain
as well as the ripe mangoes
ganging up on the roof

maybe it’s closing up
the hole in which
I lost myself in
and crawled right back out
maybe I’m becoming whole again

the carved out heart
the renewed cigarette smoke
forgetful lies of lives
songs on repeat
blank spaces on the faded walls
abrupt silence follows

it’s 4.31AM
and I need a muse.

© 2016 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Fight The Machine

I’ve been tripped, tricked into falling
trapped even, running a fool’s errand
Every dark corner of this earth
I’ve traced, and yet
found nothing

Feels like I can’t make any sense
in here, it’s dark and damp
Not much of sightseeing,
not your kind of heaven
far from it, to be frank

Been floating a while
back before I was born
had no choice, it was here
or else worse, hell
Goddamn it! Fate you!

Maybe I was too bright to begin with
I mean, too darn optimistic
and oh, let’s not forget hope
shall we?

Bright as the bubble that gives you light
at night, every single night, overhead
Things used to be simple
subtle even, well not anymore
are they?

Maniacs with thinking disorders
that’s what we are, the romantics
No, really! Think about it!
Our kind has to try so hard
that on the way, we lose ourselves

Has to look all over again
Turn the world upside down even
By the time you pull yourself together
you’ve lost the romance part
Well that and a few other things
like time, faith and ability of letting go

It’s a darn circle, that’s what it is!
Or a triangle, if I may
But whatever it is, it’s got to go
‘cause it’s about time
You dream the real,
Not the other way around!

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Resolutions

Having burnt a cigarette and life
Turned myself back at the path I was supposed to follow
Whether it was the right way or something else entirely
I don’t really know…

Maybe I didn’t want to know

Who knows these things?
They are supposedly mysteries
That no one finds out
Until they do…

Cyber lives,
Much untold stories…

They say the break of dawn is the best time
To make decisions
Maybe it’s true
I wouldn’t know
I’m not planning to stay awake that long

Solo is the way to go
Solo is the way to be

Choices,
They seem hard
Until you choose

Maybe it’s up to you
Maybe it’s not
I would know

Cyber lives lol,
Society is not fucked up
You are…

Cigarette’s over
I think I ought to go in now…

One last thing though
Don’t base your dreams on the theories of reality
They are fucking dreams,
And dreams don’t need theories.

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Reflections

I turned back time
tip toed upon the water
just to get a closer look
a glimpse of my old self

every mirror I’ve known
in bitter pieces, broken

I thought I easily could
steal the reflections
from moving waters
but sadly, I failed

Turning back time again
though, on a different note

I’d rather lose myself entirely
than breaking apart, whilst
trying to prove myself
in the eyes of the forsaken

So, now I’m stepping under the Sun
searching for my very own shadow

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Ordo Ab Chao!

Arise! whilst feeding on the ultimatum,
the wrath of the unsatisfied, looking up at what’s not humane
through the veils of light, Oh! Let thy kingdom begone!
Turn to dust, and then fly off with unresolved fears

Open thy eyes to the despair, the burning desires
let torrents of sin run through thy veins, turn into stone
feel the twists, aching heart beats and ice-cold fires
breath in the dry Sulfur and let the lungs die in vain

For, yet in the next Armageddon thee will be gifted
with the sight and the light beyond thine realm
be granted a spirit-walk upon the ninth kingdom
twisting knives of 72 promiscuous virgins

Fulfilled promises… hark!

By the bloodless right to disown a fatherless child
I call upon thee, the chaotic lie, the ruthless parricide
the imbalanced pervert, the uncivilized fetish
come lay thy dark shadow upon these puny little lives

Oh! Let them reap what they have sown
treat their fragile spark of hope with barbarous heart
vanish in the rustics of the heaven itself
God is no more, neither is the opposite

Out of chaos, comes order..!

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Times Change

Yet, I feel lost…

In a labyrinth with too many crossings
intertwining and running towards the same way
same way as if I’m missing that almighty spark
spark of sense, an ark of self-preservation

Thinking in circles again
as if I didn’t make me do that already
ready to catch myself as I fall again
as if I didn’t make me fall once already

So, I’m a lost soul…

Trading jokes for the love that I have
making my way through these senseless crowds
searching for my muse, my own guardian angel
you…

I was tired of trying, not tired of revolving around
not really resolving anything.. Nope! but still trying
breaking into thousand words, sometimes unheard
so it’s time to give up on giving up on you

‘Cause moving away…
is also a mean of getting closer…

© 2013 Pamuditha Zen Anjana

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Trip to the Edge

They keep adding complications
More and more each and every time
Say they want us
Then breaking us apart

Bits by bits
Part to part
They dislocate us…
Trying to fix, what they
Don’t want to see

Keep trying my dear ones
The day will come when
We are called on
Needed by the real

Time is ticking away
Keep stalking
Stalling, still talking

I’m moving away
To the farthest place
Where you will never
Find me… Ever.

Gone,
Gone with the flowing wind
Lost in the complicated mazes
Hidden completely inside the sane

Flying with sense,
intact.

© 2012 Pamuditha Zen Anjana